How to become a terrorist in five easy steps

Steps to become and being declared a terrorist are fairly easy and simple. Just follow these easy steps and you will soon be listed in the top terror list and most probably you will be titled as 'most-wanted terrorist' and 'mastermind' of hundreds of 'plots' within a year.

Requisites

Before we start, let me tell you that this tutorial is for those who want to be officially called and declared as a terrorist without doing a single act of terror and not for those who really want to be a terrorist. I have no idea regarding later one, but this tutorial would be helpful if you plan to live behind bars for years without any charge-sheet being filed against you. Why would one want that at all? But this tutorial may be helpful for you, just check out if you are already following these steps and if you are on the verge of being declared a terrorist.

Requirements: 

Skull cap, Kurta-Payjama, knowledge of Urdu and/or Arabic language, Islamic belief, good educational background, no-contact with any political party, a place to reside in India and name appearing to be like that of a Muslim.

Step 1: Start looking like a Muslim

This is the first and fore-most step to become a terrorist, although it is not essential but it is most important to look like a Muslim when you aspire to become an officially declared terrorist.

Grow a beard

For this purpose, you will need to grow a beard which may be of any size but keep in mind that you will be given a title based on the appearance of your beard. In the following picture, I have listed the types and classification of terrorists based on their beard appearance. Make sure you grow the type of beard in accordance with the title you would like to have. For example, if you took time and grew a really long beard, you would be titled 'Islamic terrorist' or 'Jehadi'. If it is mid-sized and not properly taken care of, you will be called 'Talibani terrorist' and if it is very small, then you are a Palestinian terrorist. It is up to you.

 

Use a head cover

To look like a Muslim and consequently a terrorist, you need to cover your head as Muslims do. You have three options to choose from: International terror look, Taliban look or Conventional Terrorist look.

 

Wear a Kurta

Along-with your beard and a head-cover, you are almost done with the look and now all you need is to wear something called Kurta. That's a standard Terror-wear!

Step 2: Have a belief in Islam

If you are done with the first step, you are already 40% terrorist. Rest ten percent is fulfilled by having a belief in Islam. Merely having belief in religion Islam does not make you a terrorist but it is quite helpful in achieving your goal. You should know that for the people who are going to declare you a terrorist, every practicing muslim is a 50% terrorist!

Step 3: Out-stand others

To be a terrorist, you need to be a real threat to real citizen of the country. So you need to excel in your field, get awarded, do some extraordinary work in your respective field. For example, if you are a student, study hard, do some innovation. If you are journalist, raise the voice of oppressed, say what government doesn't want to hear and write really well. If you do other jobs, excellence in your field is the real key to being a successful terrorist.

Step 4: claim and ask for your rights

Raising a voice for any unfair thing going on around you allocates you a 30% terror title quota. If you ever asked for your rights, It will help you become a terrorist faster. Go, look around, and find any irregularities taking place especially in politics or police and report it. You are a full fledged terrorist. This step is supported by the fact that journalist Ahmad Kazmi was declared terrorist and his links to international terror 'outfits' were proved and he was arrested just because he made the local policemen stop 'earn' millions from illegal lands.

Step 5: Live in India

If you are a Muslim, live in India, raise voice against irregularities and ask for your rights - you are a TERRORIST. Police may pick you up anytime from your home or office. You would be kept on remand for years without even a charge-sheet, you will be tortured and your family will be questioned – by the society, security agencies and every eye around you. If you follow all these steps, you are done. YOU ARE A TERRORIST!

CONCLUSION

India is a secular country, I love India, It is my country. It is where i was born and it is where I ought to die, It is the nation that feeds me and I love my land more than anyone else. I love my people irrespective of religion. It were my ancestor that made this country a golden bird. But problem arises when some people who also share my religion try to practice their rights. They are booked in to jails and alleged as terrorist, they are falsely encountered and killed. Just for following the steps mentioned above. So if you are, by mistake already following the steps above, please be careful, because, nobody knows when it will be your turn. The other day a journalist was practicing these steps, i have heard, and now he is an international terrorist!

Success stories of how these people were declared terrorist for implementation of the steps above:       

1. Fasih Mahmood   

2.Ahmad Kazmi